It's a new year so I decided that I would start writing my thoughts down. Hopefully it will help me heal this broken heart of mine, if nothing else, to see my life and situation in a concrete form. Maybe it will be easier for me to analyze my situation seeing it in writing. I've always wanted to keep a journal but I am so scatter brained that it's hard for me to collect my thoughts and keep them long enough to put them down on paper. It's all so overwhelming to me.
I'm reading this book now call the Sorcer's Crossing and in it the author speaks of recapitalization (going through every event, feeling you've ever experienced in your life and with your breath you release it's hold on you and gain back that energy that was taken during these events.It takes me months sometimes years to read a book. Like writing, reading books takes forever for me due to my lack of focus and scattered energy. I wish it were not that way as I really do enjoy reading.
I would love to be a writer but I just don't have that talent. Not right now anyway. My mother was a writer and my husband writes and so does my 8 year old daughter. I do have a knack with poetry though but I haven't had any poetry come to me in quite some time.
Some things that I write may be embarrassing moments that I remember and other things may be embarassing fears or a confused outlook on things. I was thinking of making this journal private but I feel that I can gain so much more insight into myself and what's actually going on if I share it with you and maybe get some feedback.
Alot that I write will more than likely focus around my relationship with my husband and my relationship with my daughter. Also I will probably mention my aunt whom I'm very close to and a few other people in my life. Also, my religious feelings, past, present and future will send alot of your heads reeling.
So let me just say welcome to the Diary of a Confused Soul.
Blessings.
Hedda
tänään on sitten viimeinen kokonainen päiväni jyväskylässä. sitä on vähän vaikea tajuta, ja täytyy sanoa, että olo ei ole mitenkään mahtava. nyt vasta alkaa ymmärtää kuinka hyviä tyyppejä täällä oikeasti on, ja kuinka koti tästä on etenkin menneen syksyn aikana tullut. oppiipa varmaan arvostamaan kyseisiä asioita ja muutenkin sellasta helppoutta kevään aikana.
vaikka viimeksi taisin kirjoittaa, että itse lähtö ei niinkään jännitä, niin kyllä se nyt oikeasti alkaa jännittää. varsinkin, että miten siellä sitten menee se ensimmäinen päivä. miten löydän tieni ensin lentokentältä keskustaan ja keskustasta hakemaan kämpän avaimia. seuraava ongelma tietty on sit se, että saanko koko avaimia ylipäänsä. ja sitten se, että miten löydän koko kämpän. sit kun siellä ei tosiaan ole minkään sortin patjaa, niin kuinka monta yötä joudun nukkumaan lattialla, ennenku saan sellaisen jostain hankittua (no tämä nyt on aika pieni ongelma..) seuraavaksi pitäisi sitten löytääkin jo psykologian laitos ja käydä ilmottamassa, että olen paikalla. sit voiskin varmaan jo mennä kaljalle, kun olo alkaa varmaan olla niin stressaantunut. hahaa.
pakkaaminen on toki ihan kesken, ja pitäis vielä siivota, sulattaa pakastin ja kaikenmaailman muita hommia hoitaa. jotten vaan taas jättäis viimetippaan. hahaa.
mutta tosiaan, mut löytää helpoiten mesestä, jos ikävä yllättää. toivottavasti siellä siis tapaan mahdollisimman monta teistä, jotka tätä jaksaa lukea.. tässä muuten vielä mun mese, jos joku kaipaa sitä (tiedän, että multa ainakin puuttuu monen sellaisen tyypin yhteystiedot, joihin kuitenki ois kiva olla yhteydessä): tuu-tikki@hotmail.com. lisäilkäähän, jos siltä tuntuu.
TULEE IKÄVÄ!!!!!
This past weekend was pretty good. I REALLY have been doing much, much better at Love and Logic and keeping my cool and really, now that I have improved, the boys have too! OR maybe I am better able to "deal" with them.
We were at chruch until 2:45 because of a "family" meeting... that I ended up making longer because I asked a simple question ("Are we focusing on growth and HOW?" and what can we all be doing other than praying and talking to our friends/coworkers!) That opened up a whole can of worms. WOW, anyway, I sense there is a lot of "hurt" in our chruch and sadness that so many families have left and at least I am struggling with the finicial burden and workload we are left with after all those families left the church! NOT, that I don't want to give more $ and work more but they are really asking for a lot from only 23 families left.
THen we had the Terrell's over for supper, sloppy-bean joes! Mike measured and is going to do new carpet pretty much everwhere except O's room! I am excited but NOW I have to get the PAINTING DONE! I am really thinking I broke up with CN way to soo, should've let him finish the painting!
Tasha and I are starting a "Bringing up Boys" class in Feb! EXCITED! I ordered SOME materials today so we can get started looking at the instructor and workbook stuff!
Today I stayed home with O. Jane was gone. I got some stuff done but the day just goes by TOOO fast! but we had a good time hanging out... man, he is really turning into my "sweetie boy" he loves to hug and snuggle and he tells me several times a day that he loves me! OHHHH! and Jett is just into his Animal leapster game! He's good at it! I am proud of him too!
gotta get to bed!
ok, so there's this guy i've liked for about four or five years. and i can hardly speak when i try to talk to him! and when i'm around him i always try to act out or make him notice me. he talks to me and he's REALLY nice. but i just get so nervous!!! i just want to act cool and calm. but i am just so scared he'll laugh in my face. oh, and he's like, 3 years olderer than me, but i read that it doesn't matter if he's under 4 years older than you.
has anyone else gone through this type of thing? if you have could u plz give me advice. it would REALLY help! thnx so much!
In case u havent heard, The San Diego Chargers beat Indy 28-24 on sunday. My chargers are going to New England to face the Patriots for the AFC Championship game!! I cannot fucking believe they pulled off that upset. Shitty calls, injuries.. i thought we were done.. but nooooooo.. not those resilient men!! 17-1 aint soo bad, patriots fans, i swear!!
I had my Dr's appointment today.. Got all these tests done .. if its bad, i'll find out in 3 days at the soonest if anything's up.
Tomorrow is finally the LAST day as a full time technician. Tho Loree FUCKED me. She's making me drive DG's truck AND gave me a fucked up schedule. First case of the morning for skin resurfacing, which will take a whole hour, maybe an hour and a half for two patients.. and not another case till 2pm.. WTF.. how messed up is that?!?!?!
Steven just called me.. and i messed up!! I called him babe!! LOL I dont know if he heard it, or maybe he ignored it, cuz he didnt say anything..
mondays are always very boring for me, not only that the exams are comming but then theres a ceremony comming and guess what this is ganna bea bummer, im in it! man i hate being the winner or the important person or higher up my rep coz honestly i want to just lay low, its not that i want to be the centre of the world, i'd rather be like unknown, than the popular. But no....because i have a bro that was a captain in the bb team. i have to be known....and yea its kinda annoying....
Just want to be unknown like a shadow.....
Later
what a christmas we had first of all my partner lost his job one week before christmas how nice of them to pay him off at that time off year.never mind he got a new job 24 hours later well done him .then my son had his op on 29th dec and is in cast till feb my house is going to modernised in feb and i still havent cought the fury burgler no doubt it's dead some where under the floor boards i put enough poision down to kill a horse so with a bit of luck its dead we haven't seen it or heard it so it looks good . i'm now insane because i hate not working and get so board i never know what to do all day i can't understand all these people who never work they must have such dull lives i would love to be able to go out and work but due to my health i cant and its driving me mad
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